Sunday

Last night was pretty chaotic. I stole a hat from a boy I didn't know. So now I have a bowler hat and don't really know what to do about it. I'd like to give it back actually, but 1) I don't know if it was actually his and 2) I don't know who the hell he is. I'd like to find him solely to figure out his name, and also because he was pretty fantastic at guitar and I enjoyed singing along with him. My life is pretty weird. In other news, I've got a show on Wednesday. I might die. I hope I don't die but I really might die. Of nervousness. I mean, I'll probably be fine right? I hope so. All points bulletin, shy girl plays show by herself, doubts ability at guitar.

So, after much introspection I've kind of decided that I might like to date people again. Hopefully I won't end up going out with guys who are boring or kill seagulls, but I suppose I've got to start somewhere? I don't know. I'm a sucker. You sweet talk me and I'll just melt, it's one of the things I hate about myself. I wish I wasn't such a romantic. I was raised on sad British pop music and Hollywood golden day romance films. I suppose it was inevitable. But I am also a perfectionist. So that complicates things. If things don't work exactly as they should according to my head, I don't really feel compelled to continue. Maybe that's stupid. It's almost definitely stupid. Real life isn't a movie, I have acknowledged that, I acknowledged that when I was 16 and crying after being dumped after prom.

Things should happen in a way that you're at least proud of talking about. They don't have to be picturesque or interesting, they just ought to be something other than "I was super drunk and I made out with this person, so yeah, I didn't hate them when I wasn't drunk so we went out." That doesn't really roll of the tongue very nicely. So, maybe college isn't the best environment to try to date in. Maybe Olympia isn't the best environment to try to date in. But I'm only 19, I've got time. I'm using that time to figure out what the hell I'm actually looking for. Will this result in some very overt flirtation? Yes. Will this result in me getting out of my comfort zone? Yes, yes it will. If that means stealing a few hats, I suppose that there will be some cold heads this winter.