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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Soul

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks. I had a bit of a mental breakdown, which I was lucky enough to have a friend through. I'm not perfect. I never will be, nor do I aim to be. I have tried to be in the past, but it's all for naught, not to mention it's self destructive. I'm content with where I am in life, even if things are tough sometimes, and a constant nagging wanderlust shakes at the foundations I am building. I am in a good place, and have friends I can trust. The recent realization that many of the issues I have developed surrounding trust are a manifestion of my own lack of faith in myself was a hard truth to come to. As well as my fear of revealing that I am not perfect, nor always happy, to the people in my life. Being open and honest with people isn't a trait that makes you weak, quite the contrary in fact. Here is a short list of things I have only recently made evident to the world existing outside of my skull:

- I hate money. I hate thinking about money, I hate talking about money, I hate dealing with money, I hate that I have to have money.
- I constantly dream of running away somewhere nobody can find me.
- I am not the person I used to, and don't necessarily like everything I have done in the past.
- I have stared into the abyss and considered it logically; in other words, I have stood at the railing of a bridge, peered into the cold rushing depths below, and considered, if fleetingly, the notion of inducing nothingness.
- I'm afraid of falling in love again, and in some ways feel it would be a betrayal to the emotions I once held.
- I really really like cats.
- I love to see the double features at Capitol Theater alone. It's how I escape.
- There's nothing wrong with being strong.

Now, I've not been big on opening up lately, so baby steps. Also, it seems I have developed a following in China, so, hello Chinese fluent followers! I've managed to translate some of your comments, and they have been very kind. Thank you for reading! Not sure how on earth you found me, but nonetheless. Anyway, I've got geek matters to attend to, time to read books.

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