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Monday, October 26, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye to a friend is always so surreal. Whether they are gone for good or just moving away, it's a bizarre feeling. Standing next to a roundabout waving goodbye to a shuttle, wondering if you'll really keep in touch, if you'll ever actually see each other after these moments of growing distance. Someone that you have built a bond with, who you deeply care about, and despite the fact that you may not talk everyday, that person who is a fixture in your life. That fixture is suddenly gone, and it's hard to believe. Whether it's physically, emotionally, or six feet under.
Reading something somewhere, that says that someone you used to know, to see everyday is gone. Reading the obituary because it just doesn't make sense, reading it again and again, trying to make sense of it. How can someone so young die? How can someone who never held harsh intentions for a fly be taken away? My graduating class already dwindling, only months after we all walked in unison, threw hats in the air.
Someone I loved fully and honestly, without hesitation. Who helped me make it through so much. Whether I was smiling and laughing about lumberjacks and silly little things, or drawing silly pictures, or crying, or laying in bed all day reading Slaughterhouse 5 three times back to back. The person who called me crying, telling me nothing made sense and that the world would be better without them. Reasoning, pleading, trying to make him see what I saw. The betrayal, the heartbreak. Crying when nobody was awake to notice. Letters and letting go. Forgetting who we were then, and why we loved each other so intensely.
Standing next to a roundabout waving goodbye to a shuttle. Saying goodbye to a friend. Not one who has burnt out, or who has moved on, but one who is simply leaving. On to better things, in a place where they ought to be rather than here. Losing this person makes sense, despite the fact that it hurts. I don't know if we'll really keep in touch, but I respect him for doing what is going to make him happiest. Knowing he'll be happy makes it all a little less painful.

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